A is for Allegience
by EnsoDancer
Summary: Raphael has a decision to make.
1. Chapter 1

Splinter stood proudly with cane in hand before his kneeling sons. For a moment he said nothing, as he looked at each son and saw them young again. The many candles illuminating their dojo flicked swirls of orange in the iris' of the old rat's black eyes as he blinked the memory away. Taking a deep breath, he nodded to himself, this was right. He was at peace.

"My sons, I have meditated on this for a long time. And it has been revealed to me that the day has come to step aside as the leader of this clan."

The announcement was hardly a surprise for any of the turtles, they knew their father and beloved Sensei had been preparing for this for a while. He had slowly been turning over the day to day decisions of their family to Leonardo for months and in the past several weeks had spent many hours in private conversation with their elder brother. For Mikey and Don, Leo had been the "Leader" in all but name for years and in a way had been destined for the title ever since they were children. Splinter, however, was quite traditional in his dedication to Bushido and had insisted on a formal ceremony to mark the official succession. Despite Leo's misgivings about the need for such formality with his own brothers, Splinter knew this was essential in cementing his son's authority. The need perhaps even more so since his warriors consisted of his own brothers who he would now be solely responsible for leading, training and disciplining. Even for Donatello and Michelangelo who seemed amendable, there would undoubtedly be an adjustment period. And for Raphael, Splinter mused, this would be an especially difficult but essential step if their clan was to succeed and thrive into the future. Splinter was sure it was wise that he be still alive to offer support to all his sons during this period rather than the official succession happening only upon his death.

As such, Splinter had already spoken with each son, clarifying the importance of their role in the family. With Raphael he had tried to impress how much Leonardo would need his brother at his side ensuring he was being the best leader he could be. Someone to challenge him yes, but also offering him unyielding loyalty.

"You have honor and nobility that you do not yet even understand. You are the strength of this clan, my son, not only in body but in soul as well. When the time comes, I ask you to simply follow your heart."

"I don't know if…I-I mean..., I'll try Master," was all Raphael had been able to manage unsure he could do what would be asked. Serving his Father these many years had been all he'd ever known but serving Leo, making it truly official? Something about it yanked at him and he couldn't yet figure out why. So he shoved it down and simply refused to think about. Instead he opted to spend more and more late nights out of the lair much to Leonardo's chagrin and Splinter's concern.

But avoidance was no longer an option. The moment had finally come. Cutting his eyes at Leo kneeling beside him, Raph knew whatever decision he made now, there'd be no turning back from it.

Splinter came to stand before the blue banded turtle. "As Master of the Hamato clan, from this day forward, I lay all the privileges and responsibilities of leadership on you my eldest son, Leonardo. You must uphold the honor of this clan now and beyond my death. You are now solely responsible for the lives of the warriors of this clan even at the sacrifice of your own life should it become necessary. This is a great burden I lay on your shoulders today and you are not obliged to accept it. You may refuse and keep your honor intact, but should you accept you will be honor-bound for the rest of your life. Leonardo, what is your answer?"

Leonardo had long been able to clamp down on his emotions and maintain an unflappable expression in almost every situation, despite Mikey's frequent attempts to wrench a smile from his serious brother. However these words spoken so deliberately and proudly by Splinter seemed to melt the mask away. Leonardo's steel blue eyes were piercing as he looked up at his father and Raphael thought he caught glimpses of several emotions warring within them. Fear? Need? Determination? Relief? Sorrow? Love? Raph wasn't quite sure but Leo did look somehow a bit younger to him, his true age rather than that of his experiences shone through clearly for just second. Before finally Raph saw almost literally the moment complete acceptance dropped like a heavy curtain over Leo's eyes and then the mask was back, solid as ever. The action so swift and absolute Raphael almost flinched. Raph, Don and Mikey watched then as Leonardo slowly bent at the waist and touched his forehead to the tatami mat at the feet of their father and answered unwaveringly, "On my honor, I will not fail you Master. I accept."

Wide grins split both Don and Mikey's faces as they saw their brother fulfill what to them had been their brother's single pursuit and desire for as long as they could remember. Raphael's face though was inscrutable.

"Then stand my son, and receive this gift," Splinter said.

Leo stood as asked and Splinter placed his own katana in Leo's hand. "This was my sword, and now it is yours, lead with honor my son."

Leo remembered receiving his first katana from Splinter and grasped the weapon carefully uttering quietly, "Yes, Master."

Smiling proudly, Splinter turned Leonardo to face his brothers. "Leonardo has accepted leadership of this clan, its rights and responsibilities. On your honor, you will now follow his command as if it were mine. Stand with your leader now and pledge your allegiance to him and to this clan."

It was a ceremonial declaration, of course. A recitation they had earlier thought of as just something to appease their old father. But somehow, in that moment, it did have meaning. To state aloud their support for their brother, to affirm their bond as a clan seemed to compel them. Without hesitation, it was Donatello who stood first. Bowing formally before Splinter he said, "By your wish, Master."

Then bowing before Leo Don recited, "On my honor, I pledge my fidelity and allegiance to Leonardo as leader of the Hamato clan." Straightening Don reached out to Leonardo who embraced him in a warm hug, whispering in Leo's ear he said, "I'm always here for you, bro. Congratulations." To which Leonardo smiled genuinely and replied, "Thanks, Donnie."

And then it was Mikey's turn. He too bowed before their father saying, "By your wish, Master." Then unable to stifle the grin on his face, but his eyes full of sincerity he bowed before Leo, and recited, "On my honor, I pledge my fidelity and allegiance to Leonardo as leader of the Hamato clan." He then squeezed Leo in a bear hug and said loudly, "Does this mean I can sleep in for practice tomorrow, huh, huh, puh-leaze new Leader?"

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Leo answered, "Mikey, I see things will be just a normal and no, practice is still bright and early."

Then pretending to whisper Mike poked Don saying, "Hey, have you met the new boss? Total hard-ass." And they all shared a laugh before bringing their eyes to rest on Raphael who hadn't moved.

The air in the room seemed to be sucked out as they waited, each new second filled with greater tension.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A new sun was just rising as Raphael finally descended into a manhole and staggered toward home. He was glad for the darkness as his skull throbbed from the wanton amounts of alcohol he had consumed over the last eight hours. Even Casey had eventually called it a night, but Raph had been maniacal continuing on alone well past rational thought.

Earlier that evening he had found himself at the docks ruthlessly attacking drug dealers until they shrieked for mercy. His rage lashing out beyond even what he thought was possible. So so close, he had come so close to just…ending them. But something had jerked him back, had caught his sai as its tip pressed dangerously at the jugular of a trembling thug wearing an expensive suit stained with his own lost urine.

Was this the way it would be from now on? Held down, held back, controlled, not good enough to make his own decisions. 'Even when I'm alone he's here, in my mind, backing me down,' Raph agonized.

Tossing the thug aside like a piece of trash, Raphael roared aloud, unwilling to let the thoughts coalesce. Run. His being needed to run, to get away. No thinking. No feeling. Just go. And he did. Exerting every muscle he ran over the rooftops of Tribeca and Little Italy. Past Nolita and NYU. He raced the trains at Penn Station, ignoring his kidney's desire to violently retch. He shot through Hell's Kitchen and finally darted among the shadows of Central Park until he came upon the ice rink. And then he could not run.

Even in the "city that never sleeps", the rink was abandoned at that unholy late hour. Finding stillness, Raph perched himself out of sight on the roof of the skate rental building. He watched. He watched and waited. He stared, peering unblinkingly for almost an hour at the empty ice until slowly and bit by bit he could see them clearly. Finally there they were.

A shadowy figure appeared. Silently making its way around the parameter of the space stopping every few moments to listen. The figure was cautious and quick; slipping like silk in and out of the darkness and never letting itself be illuminated by the few park lights. After awhile it stopped completely, save for a single hand gesture it aimed at the shadows.

At that moment four equally shadowed figures appeared drawing close to the first. They were half the size, heavily bundled against the wind and with a distinct roundness at their back.

"My sons, even though the hour is very late we must be ready to leave in an instant. You all know to hide immediately if I give the signal," Splinter warned eying his sons intensely.

"Yes, Father," each nodded vigorously, their grins never leaving their faces. Satisfied their excitement at being on the surface would not override their desire to obey his command, he smiled and signaled that they may play.

"You and me Raph, shell races?" Leo asked his eyes twinkling.

"Oh yeah, you know it, undefeated champions!" Raph replied as the two shared a high three.

Curling his fingers around the lip of Raph's shell, Leonardo looked over to make sure Don was in position with Mikey before calling, "On your mark, get set, go!"

Running as best as one can while barefoot on ice, the turtles pushed their supine brothers across the ice, building increasing speed before letting them go with a final push. Mikey and Raph whizzed spinning across the ice on their shells and crashing into a snow bank, Raph slightly before his little brother. Raph and Mikey's fits of laughter were contagious as Leo and Don joined them running and jumping into the snow.

"Turtle pile!" Leo squealed before commencing a snowball fight.

From his perch, Raphael watched the scene from his youth. Vividly experiencing every sensation and emotion again. Hearing Leo's unburdened laughter was particularly searing, as it had been many years since he'd heard it or anything like it from his older brother.

"Where'd ya go Leo. Huh? " Raph demanded, not bothering with the lone tear that streaked down his face. "Where'd you go! Why'd ya stop bein' our brother. It used to be you and me for everything. Remember that? Well I remember even if you don't. It wasn't me who pulled away first big brother, it was you. We weren't enough. You needed more. You ch-," his voice hitched involuntarily, "changed. You had to be perfect. The perfect son, the perfect ninja. You had to prove you were better than us, didn't ya! And we just better shut up and fall in line, right? Well it ain't that easy, and it ain't cause I'm jealous either. Its cause I know you and I know what you're killing inside yourself to make it happen. And it rips me apart, Leo! Can't you see that. Can't ya see its never gonna be the same again."

Raph let his head hang, it was everything he wanted to say but when his brother was actually there, the words just weren't.

Glancing back toward the ice he noticed something he never had as a child. It was his father. He noticed the intensity of Splinter's gaze not only toward himself and his brothers playing but in every direction at once. Constantly twitching at even the slightest sound, his shoulders set with obvious tension. For Raphael, this had always been simply one of his rare and cherished carefree childhood memories. But it occurred to him suddenly that his father had been… terrified? The danger at being in the open with four turtle children obvious to Raphael now. He wondered at why his father would take such a huge risk but knowing the sheer joy and lasting memory it had given him in an otherwise difficult childhood Raph could understood a father's desire to give his sons even a few moments of normalcy.

And then Raph noticed something else. For just a few seconds Leo turned to watch their Father watching over them. And for a moment the two looked at each other before Leo turned back to their game.

Raph furrowed his brow trying to make sense of what he'd seen. "You saw? Yeah, you saw didn't you? You understood even back then, that for us to be safe someone always has to be vigilant. That Splinter wouldn't always be able to and someone would have to take his place. Is this when you decided? Or was it before even this that you made the choice to be that one. Of the four of us Splinter must of saw that you understood and he's been preparing you for this ever since, hasn't he? Leo, I knew but…I didn't _really_know. Even though I get it, I still hate it."

Raph sat indulging in his memories for a few more seconds before leaping adroitly from his perch. Raph dropped in the nearest manhole, staggered home before sunrise and slept off his hangover. That evening he found himself kneeling in the dojo with the eyes of his entire family on him, waiting expectedly.

Even as he stood, he wasn't sure whether it was to storm out or address his father. In the end it was his father's words, "Follow your heart," that guided him.

Standing in front of Splinter, he bowed lowly, "By your wish, Master." Then he came to stand in front of Leo whose face held no expression. Raph glared for several long moments at his older brother and Leo meet the look unflinchingly. Bowing, Raph recited, "On my honor, I pledge my fidelity and allegiance to Leonardo as leader of the Hamato clan."

It was Leonardo who spoke then, "Thank you Raph, your support means a great deal to me."

"Yeah, well I can follow your orders, cause I guess this is your burden to carry, but you better know I ain't lettin' ya forget who you are or what it means to be brothers. When you do, you can expect I'll be right in your face 'bout it. You're just gonna have to live with that, Fearless Leader," Raph snarled his own mask back up.

"I would expect nothing less, brother," Leo returned, the corners of his mouth turning upward.

"Yeah, yeah, we done now, can we eat?" Raph muttered as he stalked from the dojo.

Bouncing to follow Raph, Mikey announced enthusiastically, "Mmm, yeah I made spaghetti surprise, you guys are gonna love it!"

"I don't know Mikey, last time your surprise was…well…," Don commented following into the kitchen.

"Hey! You were surprised weren't you?" Mikey defended.

Alone in the lair Leo turned to his father once again and reiterated, "I won't let you down Father, I swear it."

"I know you won't my son," Splinter wrapped his arms around his Leo, "I know you won't."

End


End file.
